Online Dating – Some Tips

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Online dating isn’t for everyone, but it can be especially helpful for the gay community because sometimes gay people have trouble figuring out who else around them are gay as well.  Online dating takes away all this guesswork and puts you right into a pool of people who are gay AND looking to date.

writingHowever, online dating can definitely bring out a lot of anxiety in even the best of us.  First of all, it might take a second to get the hang of it.  It’s a different environment and there are different etiquette practices that you should follow.

I highly recommend to everyone that they put up recent photos of themselves that depict themselves accurately.  Nobody wants to be catfished by someone who posted pictures of themselves from 5 years ago when they weighed 40 pounds less.  Also, be honest in your age and your height.  People are very turned off when they find out you have lied (and that WILL come out).

Don’t be bashful – message people.  If you don’t get a response, move on.  You must train yourself to message someone RIGHT AWAY when you find them attractive.  Don’t even think about it – don’t sit around wondering about it for a week straight, building up anxiety.  Message them, then move onto the next profile.  If they write back – great!

Ensure that your computer is loaded with the most recent antispyware and antimalware software programs.  This blog can help you to figure out what programs might be helpful to you.  Any online site is apt to get hacked, and if you’re doing any extensive online surfing then you should definitely make sure that your computer is protected.

Try a bunch of different sites.  I think the most popular right now are Plenty Of Fish, OKCupid, and Match.  However E Harmony is also popular amongst people who would rather do something a little bit more in-depth.  Try them all!


How Could You Deny It?

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hrcI come from a Christian background.  I am gay.  It took me a long time to come out to myself, and then come out for real due to the repression I caused myself because of Christianity.  I thought it was the worst.  I prayed for God to change me.  I prayed for help.  I prayed to ignore it.  Nothing worked.

I am gay through to my core.  It is nothing I can change.  It is nothing I have chosen.  It just…is.

I get so infuriated at these straight Christians talking about gay people….talking about how it’s a choice, and how it’s an “action you choose” rather than something innate.  Love the sinner hate the sin.  All these people saying this are straight.  They have NO earthly idea what it’s like to be gay!  No straight person can have any idea!  They can pretend to…they can try to imagine what it would be like.  But no – this is a unique experience.  And to have straight people tell you that it’s wrong, that you choose it, that it’s a sin….cuts to the deepest part of me.

I cannot change.  The thought of having to live my life without loving another…well, it’s pretty much hell on earth.  Straight people take it for granted.  They’re allowed to love their husbands and wives….and we are not?  It’s absurd.

The Bible was not written in a cultural vacuum.  It was indeed a product of its time.  So many things in the Bible have now fallen by the wayside – things that were taken literally less than 100 years ago.  The point is this:  the point of the Gospel is not to nitpick over who’s better and more holy.  Who’s not sinning the most.  Who’s perfect.  Jesus himself broke the Sabbath commandment because his disciples were hungry.  The deeper meaning?  The LAW is no longer the most binding thing, but rather love is.

Whenever I hear some fucking Christian writing that it’s not a sin but a “temptation into a fallen lifestyle” I want to stab them.  What a fucking bunch of fools.  Yeah right.  I tried to run from being gay as fast as I could.  But like my shadow it will never leave me.  It is who I am.  It’s like trying to run from myself.

Actually the Bible also does not suggest that some individuals are “born” gay, though the fall of Adam has left all of mankind in a state of total depravity according to Romans Chapters 1-3. The breakdown of family life and general morality in a society does result in more individuals becoming vulnerable to seduction into the gay lifestyle. Such persons are often victims of prevailing cultural decadence.

SEDUCTION INTO A GAY LIFESTYLE?  What an ass.  I’m sorry but, who wants to be gay?  Who WANTS to come out, and have to face the shit we have to face?  This guy is NOT gay and therefore has absolutely no right to speak about how someone “becomes” gay or not.



Do They Like Me?

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I’m trying to determine when someone likes me or is flirting with me.  I think the key is that you never know for sure…I think the uncertainty of it all is actually a factor in growing your attraction to someone.  If someone just comes up to you and flat out says “hey I’m into you” it kind of prematurely kills the whole mystery of the interaction.

I think one of they key things is that the person will seek you out and keep their interactions with you going.  And it’s sometimes pretty easy to spot the difference between this and just friendly banter.  You’ll find that you’re texting them much more than normal, and they don’t just randomly stop responding until the conversation has come to a logical conclusion.  Sometimes with my friends they will just stop talking.  Or we don’t really ask each other deep questions and give long answers.  If you’re doing this with someone then there’s probably something else going on.

I think the biggest thing is trusting your intuition, and really listening to it.  Sometimes I get a gut feeling someone likes me, and I’m usually right.  However sometimes when I have a crush on someone and I try to read into the signs…I tend to ignore when my gut feeling says that they don’t really like me.  I try to unearth clues from the most inane stuff.

Right now I have a problem where my gut is telling me someone likes me, but they are still with someone else….kind of.  They broke up twice already.  I don’t know how much longer they are going to last, but I feel a bit guilty for flirting with this person because her ex is my friend.  Not a close friend, and actually someone I don’t care if I’m friends with or not anymore.  Okay maybe a little.  But I don’t want to cause trouble.  It’s such a minefield.  But for once I feel that my feelings are returned – it’s really exciting but tempered by the fact that I can’t jump in headfirst right away.  I need to make sure she’s done with her ex.

Have you ever fallen for someone who was in a relationship that was on the rocks?